Saturday, March 19, 2005

Of Boards, Butts and Bruises - II

We arrived at the resort at 11 AM and the experts and the newbies went towards their respective ski-lifts. There were those who were skiing down double black diamond slopes ( yeah.. google and find out for those who dont know ) and then there were those who were skiing down that same slopes , with beer in their hands!!
INSANE in the membrane!!!
INSANE in the brain!
Really, it was BigG going down the hillside, really proving Newton's laws of Momentum!! Almost 35 to 40 miles an hour downhill on double black with a can of beer ??? Lets just say he is fond of his drink and move on shall we ?

My group snowboarding class was a little distance away from this insanity. Kids from the ages of 3 to 40 were there lined up for their lessons.
I rented my snowboarding equipment and went to the lessons area. The temperature suddenly dropped, the sun behind the clouds and my extremities were freezing. It didnt take long to get the blood flowing though, boy! Casey, my instructor, the slave driver and really cute boarder-chick was shouting at me .. yelling at me .. to get to the Toe edge and the heel edge. and stand up and let go .. but no!!! My butt had other plans .. it took to the snow like fish to the water. It wouldnt get up from the snow at all! It was like I was fighting too many things! And when I did manage to take it a few feet into the air. it took me down so hard that I bruised badly! My snow magnet was in full form. It did not help either that the snowshoes that I had on were a size bigger than necessary. Hence, the my heel kept lifting but the snoboard did not, which was manna for the snow-magnet.
I wanted to try snowboarding once, I did it, and Thats that!
And I got the bruises on my Butt to show for it.
Bruise Color of the day: Purple.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Of Boards, Butss and Bruises - I

Ever looked at those snowboarders, whistling past you at 30 to 40 miles an hour downhill and jumping off ramps and such .. twirling fearlessly in the air and landing right back on their feet and smoothly coming to a stop at the bottom of the slopes ? I have, as I made my way down on my sissy skis .. mind you this was just the blue slopes ( little better than the bunnys and the greens of course! ) and I wasnt doing a bad speed downhill either .. but it seemed so much fun.

Fast forward two years and a meaner, leaner and stronger version of me was ready to take on the snowboarders starting with lessons. A great oppurtunity presented itself as the whole company went for a ski trip yesterday. I had decided to go where the skiers ( angels ) feared to tread. I was gonna get myself some snowboarding lessons and fly downhill .. after all I did know a little bit of skiing and how different could it be ? This kinda rhetoric is what gives me a false sense of security and hope but I am getting way outta the chronology here.

5:45 AM , I was at the company parking lot and got into the chartered bus. Mild chatter and sleepy laughter filled the bus as it proceeded to pick up speed and at around 6:15 BigG whips out a 1.5 litre bottle of vodka and some pineapple/banana/orange juice. and a bunch of styrofoam cups. Breakfast is ready!!! BigG was graciously mixing us drinks and an hour into the journey a few of us were comfortably numb ( what the fuck was that whizzing past the window?? a cow? ) and the smile stretched from ear to ear.

I think I dozed off while enjoying the splendid view outta the bus windows and was rudely woken up by cries of SNOW! The destination was a short distance away now. A beautiful sunny day, deep white powder,exhilarating views of the mountains and the valleys, freezing temperature and the allure of the new.


Monday, March 14, 2005

Horror and alarm!

I really dunno what the movie was. I was completely stoned, I think, wait was I drunk too ? My best guess is both. Lets just say , I was intoxicated beyond a reference point from imbibing and inhalation.
The scene starts when, SP and I after our regular Wotang session, decided to watch the horror movie ( English .. if I remember ) playing on Saturday night at the Audi(torium).

As usual, we made an entry after the movie had just begun and guess what we were carrying. A Cot! yeah .. I was holding the front and he bringing up the rear. Wooden cot! The ticket checker's voices of protests were completely drowned by promises of future inebriation. The tickets were placed on top of the cot, so that he could conveniently pick it up. Bringing up our esteemed posteriors, were three freshers, with the quilt and the pillows and the third and least shady looking guy was our smuggler.
Yes, we smuggled in something!

We took the cot right next to the stage and with a little help from our dear freshers, placed the quilt and pillows and conveniently reclined to watch the movie. The jealousy in the theater was palpable. Every guy with a girl on his arm,and the hand up her skirt, would have given that same arm to be where we were.
I looked up barely discerned something menacing moving toward me on the screen. I screamed at it and it looked like whatever it was, disappeared, satisfied by that blood-curdling yell. With a smug look on my face, I fell back on the cot. I was looking for the fresher with the "special" item that we had smuggled into the theater. SP was with him, unwrapping the gift.
30 minutes into the movie ( I think, Darn! the time lapse) , the black gloved hand trying to open the lock, the terror turning the woman into all shades of off-white, an innocent looking child with the most evil grin on his face and a knife in his hand and *TRRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG*
The HMT alarm clock that we had, set off an incredible sound. There were shrieks, screams, and all kinds of noises from the audience, quickly followed by a few torn slippers and followed by hand waving threatening assholes whose fucking foreplay we had interrupted. We promptly went under the cot, letting the 3 freshers of course to handle the bouquets.
Oh Gaaaawwwwdddd that was fucking hilarious! Of course we had to leave the auditorium in a hurry and got strictly warned by a tight asshole aka the theater in charge or some shit like that , on the way out.
The cot we never retrieved.
I hope the fresher from whose room we took the cot got it back.
But hey, what the fuck! I bet he will never ever forget that night! And I say it was worth it.

Or I think, thats what happened.....

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Today I learnt

that I am true to everything in this world..except myself!